At what point is it acceptable to put your foot down and absolutely refuse to accept something and even go so far as to insist that someone make it right? What about when these people are your superiors and hold a position of authority over you? What if over a thousand dollars and/or everything you've worked so hard for for the last 6 years is on the line in the situation?
What if in a certain situation it is completely unclear who is at fault or responsible for making it right?
There's such a fine line between being a complete push over and a complete beeotch. How do you make sure to get your point across without crossing that proverbial line?
Ugh, life.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Oh, that pedestal.
I've learned a very difficult and unfortunate lesson already this week... and it's only Monday. To sum it up in one sentence: Not even the most seemingly perfect people can live up to the pedestals we place them on.
I'll elaborate by saying that it really isn't fair to anyone when you believe that a person is incapable of letting you down or disappointing you. It isn't fair to them and, most importantly, it isn't fair to you. Even the most special, sincere, and honest person is incapable of being perfect. Making mistakes is what makes us human. No one's perfect and even the most respectable and honest people fall... and when they do it's a long, long way down. It's really hard for us sometimes to look at someone we hold in such high regard in this light. It's a rude awakening to realize that someone who you respect so much and has never let you down is capable of disappointing you. It is hard to realize that no one's perfect- even the people who always seem to do right thing. It's a tough, but important, lesson to learn.
What I've learned is even more important-though- is how these significant people react to their mistakes. Often times it is just as difficult to realize that you've hurt someone as it is to be the one that has been hurt. When a person can truly feel empathy and when knowing that they hurt someone hurts them even worse- you often realize that there is a reason that you've had so much respect for them and why you're so disappointed in their decision-making. Sincere apologies are never over rated and its often the people who love so much who know just how to convey how sorry they really are.
At this point- the ball's in your court and what's important in this moment is how you react. I really believe that there's no wrong way to feel. We, as the humans that we are, are entitled to feel hurt, betrayed, and mistreated... but we've got one big decision to make. We either accept their apologies or we don't. Either way- forgiveness is the key ingredient here. Whether you decide to acknowledge a person's apology or move on your life... there's one thing quite simple: you've got to forgive, for your own mental and emotional health as well as theirs. And by forgiveness- I don't mean saying that you've forgiven and harboring hard feelings long term.
On that note...it's also important to realize that there's no room for entertaining the notion of forgiveness while dangling it in front of the person who has hurt you. That can be just as wrong and as hurtful as the original indiscretion. You've got to be fair to the person who has apologized to you... whether you move on with your life or forgive them indefinitely for their mistakes (knowing that you aren't so perfect yourself). Life is too short to tangle with the notion of "i'll forgive them now but make them suffer for the next 3 weeks..."
The Bible reminds us that bad decisions and mistakes (aka sin), as shameful as they may be, are part of being human- and forgiveness, though inexplicably divine, is something we should strive to accomplish just as Christ has forgiven us. Just another reminder of how human and imperfect we really are- are those times that it is SO difficult to forgive. It never hurts to be reminded of what is so explicitly stated in Ephesians, chapter 4: "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry...Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:26; 31-32).
I am definitely not the best example of this in my own life, but it is something I truly strive to accomplish. Anger, bitterness, and grudges are toxic elements in anyone's life and I've learned that in my past, I've often had too many of them in my own. Here's one more thing I want to become better at! :)
I'll elaborate by saying that it really isn't fair to anyone when you believe that a person is incapable of letting you down or disappointing you. It isn't fair to them and, most importantly, it isn't fair to you. Even the most special, sincere, and honest person is incapable of being perfect. Making mistakes is what makes us human. No one's perfect and even the most respectable and honest people fall... and when they do it's a long, long way down. It's really hard for us sometimes to look at someone we hold in such high regard in this light. It's a rude awakening to realize that someone who you respect so much and has never let you down is capable of disappointing you. It is hard to realize that no one's perfect- even the people who always seem to do right thing. It's a tough, but important, lesson to learn.
What I've learned is even more important-though- is how these significant people react to their mistakes. Often times it is just as difficult to realize that you've hurt someone as it is to be the one that has been hurt. When a person can truly feel empathy and when knowing that they hurt someone hurts them even worse- you often realize that there is a reason that you've had so much respect for them and why you're so disappointed in their decision-making. Sincere apologies are never over rated and its often the people who love so much who know just how to convey how sorry they really are.
At this point- the ball's in your court and what's important in this moment is how you react. I really believe that there's no wrong way to feel. We, as the humans that we are, are entitled to feel hurt, betrayed, and mistreated... but we've got one big decision to make. We either accept their apologies or we don't. Either way- forgiveness is the key ingredient here. Whether you decide to acknowledge a person's apology or move on your life... there's one thing quite simple: you've got to forgive, for your own mental and emotional health as well as theirs. And by forgiveness- I don't mean saying that you've forgiven and harboring hard feelings long term.
On that note...it's also important to realize that there's no room for entertaining the notion of forgiveness while dangling it in front of the person who has hurt you. That can be just as wrong and as hurtful as the original indiscretion. You've got to be fair to the person who has apologized to you... whether you move on with your life or forgive them indefinitely for their mistakes (knowing that you aren't so perfect yourself). Life is too short to tangle with the notion of "i'll forgive them now but make them suffer for the next 3 weeks..."
The Bible reminds us that bad decisions and mistakes (aka sin), as shameful as they may be, are part of being human- and forgiveness, though inexplicably divine, is something we should strive to accomplish just as Christ has forgiven us. Just another reminder of how human and imperfect we really are- are those times that it is SO difficult to forgive. It never hurts to be reminded of what is so explicitly stated in Ephesians, chapter 4: "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry...Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:26; 31-32).
I am definitely not the best example of this in my own life, but it is something I truly strive to accomplish. Anger, bitterness, and grudges are toxic elements in anyone's life and I've learned that in my past, I've often had too many of them in my own. Here's one more thing I want to become better at! :)
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