Resolutions.

As I prepare to say toodle-loo to 2009, I find myself partaking in the annual ritual of determining a New Years Resolution. My past resolutions have been pretty standard: lose weight, get healthy, be neater, stop procrastinating. I always do pretty well until about March when all is lost and my resolution is no more. This year I've determined that my resolution should be intrinsically motivating. Success will not be measured in the image I see in the mirror, a number on a scale, or by anything externally and superficially visible. This year I want my resolutions to change me and better me from the inside.

Now, I know this sounds cheesy but bare with me. In keeping with the whole intention of this blog (which I might add has been conveniently neglected from recent posts)... my goal is to continue trying to maintain a positive attitude and always find the beauty in life's daily adventures. Being a busy grad student and living in a hectic, expensive city with nothing but federal loans and your momma's pity (aka monthly groceries-thanks mommy!) to get you by, its easy to become overwhelmed with life's daily struggles. I often find myself getting hung up on the fact that I am stuck in this limbo between the fun carefee days of undergrad and the independence and grown up aspirations that come from being employed. Basically, I= full time grad student + full time employee - income - all the fun aspects of being in college.

Being so busy and not reaping much in the way extrinsic benefits from your hard work (aka dollar bills) makes it easy to lose motivation, get fed up, and not give life the best you've got. Combine this calculation with a tendency towards occasional cynism, stubbornnes, and sarcasm and you're headed straight for disaster.

Alas, I have compiled a short list of Resolutions for 2010 that I hope to help me get through the final stages of grad school, the job searching process, and the transition to actual adulthood and independence WITHOUT losing my mind and losing sight of the simple, pleasurable, fantastic things in life. Without further ado...

1. Read the Bible cover-to-cover
2. Document the occurence of something positive daily (this blog might be just the place for such a task...)
3. Reaffirm and recommit myself to many of the relationships in my life. (I've been known to do a very inadequate job of investing time and energy into relationships when my own life gets hectic. This disappoints me and I'd love to reestablish many of the bonds I've had with friends and loved ones-some that I still see on a regular basis- I love my friends and I want them to know that).
4. Partake in adventures on a regular basis (I've got a bucket-list of sorts that'll do just the trick...)

Anyway- that should suffice for a healthy dose of positivity and cheesiness for one day. I realize that this all sounds a tiny bit rediculous but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get through the day. I'm gonna give this a shot.

Meanwhile, it wouldn't hurt me to resolve to be a little bit tidier...I'll give that some consideration too.

Hooray for warmth, sunshine, and new running gear!

I've been REINSPIRED! After running my first 1/2 marathon in September I became slightly addicted to the runner's high (ironically, training for the 1/2 was sheer torture and I thought surely I wouldn't survive...). I was hooked on the sense of accomplishment after running distances I had never conquered before. I finished the half respectably at 2:07:46 achieving both of my goals: running the entire race without stopping or walking and averaging under 10 minute miles (I averaged 9:45/mile with my best split at the 10k mark 9:38/mile). I wasn't super fast- but I was consistent and finished it achieving both of my goals.

The gang before the VA Beach Rock N Roll 1/2 Marathon, Tory, Me, Lisa, and Brandon, 9/06/09
After the half I took a break from running- I had doubled a 12 week training program and trained for 6 months... I was burned out and my body was achey and tired. I continued to work out 3-5/wk with cross training and occasional short runs. I recently started running regularly again and I was shocked and appalled at the condition I was in when I resumed. I was struggling to complete 3 mile runs on the treadmills in my building's gym. I was horrified. To my relief, I attempted to run outdoors on a paved trail and found that I had maintained more endurance than the treadmill let on. I'm chalking it up to boredom and lack of scenery.... anyway- winter is now in full swing and I am attempting to rebuild my endurance back to 1/2 marathon condition... but with the weather being frigid and snowy recently I have been forced to run inside or forego running all together when I haven't had access to my gym. I have found myself in a vicious cycle of building my endurance up and then losing interest in the gym and taking time off... I knew that I'd never return to where I was in September at that rate.
BUT- for Christmas this year I got some new gear. Just a few new pairs of shorts and a running watch to time my runs but it has made all of the difference. Plus- I am seriously considering another 1/2- the DC 1/2 marathon in March- to capitalize on this new found motivation and give me something to aspire to. To make things oh so much better- the past few days have been warm (50's haha) with 1 day of rain that effectively melted and washed away all 21 inches of snow we recieved last week. I can't help but feeling that this is nature's way of saying GET OUT AND RUN. So that's what I've been doing. Yesterday I finished 4.3 in 41 minutes and I am about to head out for more (if my ipod would ever charge up!).
ALSO: I've decided on a new goal: I am going to finish the next half if under 2:00:00. Get it giiiiirl.

As they say in Hawaii, "Mele Kalikimaka!"

I was given a most amazing, fabulous, over the top Christmas present this year from the best fella on Earth... In May, the week after I graduate Tory and I are going to HAWAII for a week!! (pause for reaction).

AHHHHH!

I know it is so over the top and I know that I am beyond spoiled but I am sooo unbelievably excited about this trip. This will be our 2nd vacation just the two of us, the first was NYC in 2007, and I can't wait! We had so much fun trapsing around New York and being oh so touristy and I am looking forward to doing the same in Hawaii. Is it May yet?

Tory has always been a good, thoughtful gift-giver (I've been known to be a good hint-dropper as well hehe)... but the past few years have just been outrageous. It all started with that puppy he gave me 2 Christmas's ago and it seems like he tries to top himself ever year. I've told him that he doesn't have to try to top that gift or even match it because, in all fairness... how do you really top a living, breathing, adorable little creature like Lucille? But every year it seems like he tries and it always works out pretty well for me.

Lucy's First Christmas, 2007

On top of the Empire State Building, 2007

I just hope he knows that I don't always need fancy presents like puppies and exotic vacations. I am blessed to have a guy like him who knows me for all of my flaws and quirks and loves me because of them, not in spite of them. I am so fortunate to be loved by a man who deeply loves his family and would do anything for them (i admit- sometimes to my dismay!). He takes care of his mom and sisters and has a wonderful relationship with his father. He motivates me to work hard at everything and makes me want to be a better person. He puts up with a lot of my crap but is man enough to tell me when I am out of line and not let me get away with it. He's got his priorities in line and I've been proud to have him by my side these past 7 (almost!) years. Basically, I love him... I'm so blessed to have him and he means the world to me. I make sure to tell him that often but I hope he knows how true it is. He's fabulous.

Oh so much!

So much to blog about tomorrow-its much too late for any of that right now. I just wanted to post for the sake of posting and include these 2 trailers for uber-cheesy girl movies courtesy of one Nicholas Sparks... i am a tiny bit embarrassed to confess i am beyond excited for these. TA-DA!!!

New Chapter.

Well, I did it. I survived my 12th semester of college/4th semester of grad school and I managed to do so maintaining a decent gpa, my social life, and my sanity (barely). I met with my supervisor for next semester's internship and she seems great. The work load should be reasonable and I can do all of my paperwork from home (NICE!). Plus, if there are cancelled home visits I can do whatever I want during that free time. And Fridays are over by 1:30. She works with a variety of different disorders from language, artic, pragmatics, kids on the spectrum, etc... I think I will get a little bit of everything which will be nice. Did I mention the home visits are all within a 5-10 mile radius of my apartment? Needless to say, I am pretty excited.

Things ended well at The Virginian, Matt gave me lots of good, usable feedback about my performance and how to improve in the future.... he even filled me in on what I might mention as my professional strengths during an interview. It was a good way to wrap things up and while I am sorry that it's over I am glad to be moving on to something different. I am excited to learn about early intervention and flex my creativity muscle a little more than I was able to do in a nursing home.

I guess that's all for now- but first, another healthy dose of Christmas Cheer courtesy of Meet Me in St. Louis.



Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow.

To Me You're Perfect

Tomorrow will be my last day at The Virginian. The last day of arriving 5 minutes late but still 15 minutes earlier than my supervisor and stopping by the starbucks coffee pots for a cup of free-but-burned-beyond-recognition coffee. It will be the last morning that I fish my name badge out of Matt's desk drawer and dig my $10 walmart watch out of my messy bag before printing the day's schedule and attempting to logically plan and manage our caseload for the day. The last day of wheeling patients to the speech office and attempting to squeeze them into the tiny space behind the desk. The last 10 hour day of working for free at The Virginian.

When I think back 3 months ago to my first week at The Virginian, working under Matt's supervision, I am amazed at how much I have learned, grown, and changed as a clinician. He pretty much set me loose from the get-go with the philosophy that the best way to learn to swim is to dive right in. And dive I did, with the watchful eyes of my supervisor ensuring that I didn't drown or pull any of my patients under with me. I can remember driving home in tears every day during the first weeks of this rotation, unsure of what to make of Matt's dry, sarcastic personality and frustrated by his tendency to throw me to the wolves- aka patients and their families, with little, if any, warning, preparation, or experience.

These days I drive home from work, exhausted, after taking on the responsibility of managing a caseload and completing 7+ hours of treatment and evaluation...usually with a smile on my face. I've learned a lot about speech pathology these past few months but I've also learned a lot about myself, my abilities, my limitations, and how to work with others. That sarcastic supervisor of mine turned out to be quite a fantastic teacher and mentor and I consider myself very fortunate to have had the opportunity to learn from him. And it turns out- he's right, the best way to learn to swim is to just dive on in (and don't forget to hold your breath and close your eyes)...

It's hard to believe that tomorrow will be the end of my rotation at The Virginian. I am excited to close this chapter of my life and move one step closer to making it out there on my own. I know that my next clinical will bring me wonderful and hopefully life-changing experiences. But a very significant part is just a tiny bit heart broken over saying goodbye to Matt and the rest of the rehab staff. I've learned so much them all and am finding it very hard to wrap my head around the concept that I won't see them everyday.... many of them I'm likely to never see again. It is a sad, strange, and bittersweet feeling and I'm not sure I really want tomorrow to come right now.

On another bittersweet note: one of my favorite clips from one of the sweetest Christmas movies ever. This is possibly the most precious expression of unrequited love I have ever seen. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I'm such a girl.

Love actually 2

"This really brings Christmas close to a person..."

I never thought it was such a bad little tree.
It's not bad at all, really.
Maybe it just needs a little love.

Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.




Feeling all Christmasy...

Update

Update from previous post: I ate dinner and put up my Christmas tree. There are now 3 trees in the living room of the apartment. I feel better.

Please excuse me for a brief cessation in all things positive.

I'm cranky. I am completely beat, exhausted, thoroughly WIPED OUT. Not sleeping for the past 6 years has finally taken its toll on me. I'm bored. with everything. I am not living and I'm not growing anymore. I got too comfortable and now I'm stuck and I'm bored and I'm disappointed in myself. I have let the daily grind steal my joy and I am no longer feeling empowered or impassioned towards much of anything including many of my relationships, hobbies, and worst of all, the career I have spent the past 6 years in school working towards. It hasn't even started yet and I'm already over it. My creativity is in the pits. I can't even write a page-long progress note because my brain can't generate the appropriate words. It's taken me 30 minutes just to write this much.

This isn't like me. It's my favorite time of year and all I can do is obsess over how unhappy I am. My whole intention of writing this blog was to emphasize the positive things in life, especially when things are crappy. But what has happened is pretty evident... I am doing my specialty.... avoidance behavior. I don't want to deal with something, I just ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist. This is not a functional, healthy, or mature way to live.

I need to get my act together.

Just a formality.

If I had the time I would fill this space with so many things. It's getting noisy in my head these days but time is one thing I don't have to spare. In the meantime, I will post just to keep posting and to keep from forgetting my life's mission. And for now my bookbag, notebooks, desk, and bedroom will continue becoming littered with post-it reminders of meaningful material to ponder. Maybe one day.

Til then...