When the weather's fair...

I should begin this post by warning you that it is probably not worth reading.  Not funny, witty, interesting.  No photos (ok maybe 1... and maybe a video) or special fonts (alright, maybe italics when necessary... like now). 

When the weather's fair, there is something exciting in every day.  Your work day is over at 5, you're productive, successful, and moving forward.  Making progress.  Your relationships are sturdy, steady, and fully secure.  You're loving and loved. Your friends are with you, beside you, happy, excited, and willing spend their time with you.  When the weather's fair, there is something to look forward to: tomorrow, Friday, this weekend.  Your to-do lists become DONE lists, you are winning, winning, winning at life.

Sometimes there's a storm.  It might be a flood, a down pour, drenching and soaking every corner and inch of your sunny-day.  Some days, it's blustery and uncertain.  The unsteady and already fragile things in life are teetering on the edge and taunting the notion of tumbling over, crashing down, shattering into a bazllion tiny pieces with the slightest gust.

These days I just feel like a tornado has touched down and wrecked my shakily-shoddily assembled little life.  I have to blame this one mostly on work and myself.  I got a little comfy in my light caseload and now that things are picking back up, I am playing catch-up.  Several mentor visits, 1x assessments, and adding an entirely new service area to my week has made it hard to keep up.  Between visits in my car, I am returning phone calls from service coordinators, parents, and that con-foundedddddd interpretation agency I get the pleasure of working with.  Between sessions at the clinic, I am catching up on notes, calling new families to schedule visits, and planning for my next sessions.

This is my job description.  Soooo, I really don't know why it overwhelming me in this moment, but I.AM.OVERWHELMED. 

When I get home, after food finds its way to my belly, I find a spot on the couch to log on and try, try again to catch up or stay on top.  I have been failing at that task due to sleep taking priority.  This has happened to me in the past.  Sleeping is my ultimate avoidance behavior.  I am never more tired than when I have a nice, loooong to-do list needing crossing.  It is totally unintentional.  Maybe my subconscious mind goes into hibernation as a way of surviving. These days I'm exhausted and in the time I am sleeping, my list suspiciously grows and grows. 

But I did not write this post to complain or for pity.  There are lots of things in this world that are fickle and fair weather and these things have been weighing on my mind more and more lately.  I started this post with an old adage and it took on a little life of it's own.  I am going to try to wrap it up with a positive spin on things.

Just because the weather isn't a fair, sunny, 72 degrees with zero humidity and zero chance of rain doesn't mean there aren't beautiful, glorious days in my future.  Just because all my affairs aren't in order (although I have to pat myself on the back, our apt is still looking top-notch after the bookshelf ordeal- which is usually my first downfall), just because life's not as simple as it was a few years ago, time isn't as abundant as it was before, and friendships require more effort than they did in college, doesn't mean there aren't simple joys in today and tomorrow... and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here's a list of 16 things I am gloriously grateful for (for these 16 days of November, obvi...)

16. The new Macy's commercial starring J. Beibs that made me laugh my tail off tonight.



15. Harvest Yankee Candles
14. My tiny home that is filled with the aroma of just ONE jar of #15.
13. Home-cooked dinners 2 nights in a row.
12. Norah Jones play list on Pandora (getting me through hours of paperworking on nights and weekends)
11. Nonstop holiday music on washfm starting FRIDAY.
10. Working for a company who instead of voting on a couple of families to "adopt" this year, unanimously agreed to adopt every single one of the nominees.
9.  Working in a job that is rewarding, even on it's worst days, there is at least one thing I can own and be proud of.
8.  Save-The-Dates in the mail, reminding me of growing, changing, and abundant love for my dearest friends.
7. Sisterly phone calls, just when you think everyone's forgotten.
6. Tory's patience in his job and motivation to always be the provider. even if it is just for me for now.
5.  Prospective lunch dates with my Dad and Tory this week and next, that will bring a welcome break from snotty, germy, cold/flu infested toddlers.
4. My silly, loving, patient, pup who lets me dress her up any old way I wish and gives me an excuse to leave the office precisely at 4:45 when I have cleaned up my room:

3. My funny, smart, ambitious, honest husband who always tries to do the right thing, is steadfast in what he believes and always gives everyone his best.  I am soo incredibly thankful for him.
2. My Dad getting to spend his favorite holiday in the comforts and love of family, in his own home, in chilly weather (where there is no sand)... even if he still has to hand wash all the China ;)
1. Spending these holidays with 2 loving families- the one that has defined home for the last 25 years and another that has welcomed and loved me for me and the crazy in-law that I came to be since I was 16.

De-Mentor

I'm not talking Harry Potter.  I am talking Amanda DeL.  DA MENTOR.  Today I had- count 'em- not one but TWO mentor visits BACK TO BACK... suckas.  I'm pretty sure that none of ya'll know what the heck I am talking about, and more than likely the ones who do know, don't give a hoot-nanny.

But I am gonna 'splain you...

Today I had 2 mentor visits.  Where I was the mentor.  I have sought mentor visits in my last 18 months as an employed, licensed SLP.  I have been the mentee for many a client, some times when I asked for it and some times when I didn't.  These little episodes in my short career have certainly taught me lots- both when warranted and un.(warranted). Regardless of the context, I have always learned something about my therapeutic style, whether it was something I could improve on or something I should be proud of.  I have had the great opportunity to see other, more experienced therapists at work, which has been been an eye-opener on some accounts and pretty much always invaluable to my understanding of a trans-disciplinary practice.  It's been G-double O-D for me.  And I've learned a lot.

But for the first time today, I was the more experienced therapist.  And I am not talking years of experience.  What I mean is that I had the great pleasure of working with a highly experienced motor therapist who said to her families "I don't know the answers, we need the help of a specialist."  And here's the crazy part... the specialist WAS ME! (pause for drama...).

So at the request of my supervisor, I accompanied this awesome therapist on a couple of visits this morning.  I was super nervous and definitely feeling the pressure.  I know what parents see when I walk through the door for the first time "How old is this girl?" "What kind of training does she have?" "What could she possibly know that I don't?"  I have even had the ballsiest of parents ask what type of degree is required to practice Speech-Language Pathology.  I could literally see the wheels turning in their heads as they calculated how young I could possibly be.  I try not to let it bother me.  I've been schooled and now I've got a year under my belt.  Boo-ya. I just do my best to wow them with my uber intelligence and super human strength (as I hoist their chubby two year old above my head while targeting an approximation of "up"--> super fun therapist right here).

Anyway.

So I go on these mentor visits and the PT is all "so here's a specialist in the area of language/feeding development... be sure to ask her all your questions!"  WOAH- Ok, kudos to me for being dubbed specialist.  I guess I have never thought of myself in that context before.  Professional?  Yes.  Trained?  Indeed.  Certified?  Certainly!  Specialist?  Well, apparently.  So ask they did.

And I answered.  At least I think I did.  I am pretty sure it was my autonomic nervous system kicking in (you know...SNS.. fight/flight...nerd/geek...anyway...), but miraculous gems of professional, specialized goodness escaped my lips and before I knew it, parents were nodding their heads in agreement and.... dare I say it... asking FOLLOW UP questions.  Which I was also somehow able to answer.  Remarkable.  Autonomic.  Sympathetic.  Do you follow?

So then I wonder... have I gotten complacent in the last 18 months with my own clients?  I mean, I feel like I was a more successful speech therapist for 2 hours out of my work day today than I will be for the other 38 hours.  Don't get me wrong- I really feel like I am problem solving/treasure hunting/doing my best to read a foreign map every day of my job.  Some days are more successful than others.  Some days I solve the puzzle/find the treasure/get to my destination.  Some days are good, others are hard.  Some days I win and some days I'm off the mark.  But for some reason, today.... I was able to find the star on the map.  I found the answers and I delivered.  It was incredible and I fully credit the awesome motor therapist who gave me great backgrounds and case histories and scaffolded the structure of the mentoring visits in a way that was efficient and productive.  I need more days like this in my regular routine.  Just a change of pace where my services are sought urgently and not expected on a weekly or biweekly basis.  Where I get to be the specialist, not the one with the best educated guess.  I worked hard to obtain this career because I wanted to make a small but meaningful difference in the big world of families in my community.  Today I learned that I need reminders that hard work pays off.  Today I learned a lot.

Today... was a good day.  I feel like a super hero.

super source