Well I'd say that a blog post around here is long over-due, and what better an excuse than to advertise to the world wide web that Tory and I had a wonderful, fabulous, reaffirming engagement session last week. The photographer has posted a sneak peak on her blog:
http://erinjphoto.com/blog/2010/11/tory-amanda-engaged/
And to say that we are thrilled with the shots she caught is by far the understatement of the century. Erin did an incredible job of capturing the joy and uniqueness of Tory and Amanda. While the nature of an engagement session implies that many photos have to be "posed," I think you will agree with me that she managed to capture some pretty candid facial expressions (refer to photo #2 and tell me how many hundreds of times you've seen THAT giddy, amused, mid-chuckle look on my face) and the natural way that T and I hold hands and show affection (see photos #5 and #8). The extent of her "direction" was pretty much limited to: Tory sit here, Amanda sit here. Now look at each other, now look at me... Everything else in these shots is so completely and definitively US. Major High Five to Erin J. for capturing those fleeting moments that define us as a pair.
Can not wait for her to shoot our wedding (which by the way is the day after the big Royal Shindig across the pond- an event which I intend to be sure all of our guests forget by the time our night is over)!
Anywho- rather than drag this on, as I sometimes tend to do... I just want to state simply: I am so filled with joy in life today, peace in the events of yesterday, and excitement in all of the things the future holds for me, my future husband, and our families and friends.
In true Christmas spirit, and as Tiny Tim would say, "God bless us, everyone."
(yep- its that time again!)
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Steel Wheels
Today's joy is definitely obsessing over a band I discovered last fall and have been busy revisiting and rediscovering during my light-EI-catch-up-on-paperwork Tuesday.
The Steel Wheels are an Americana Folk band from the Shenandoah Valley, a place I called home for 5 years of college and grad school. Two of their members are actually residents of good ole Harrisonburg, VA. Something about their music and lyrics resonates with me and just makes me feel sooo so good. It's too bad that our society is far too Gaga and Glee obsessed to recognize and appreciate this kind of music with roots that are woven into the threads of southern culture.
Discovering, or rediscovering as the case may be, gems like The Steel Wheels has a way of reminding me of the little treasures that still exist in this world beneath the surface of all things shiny, plasticy, and temporary. To be honest though, maybe they are best kept safe under the protection of the synthetic and synthesized stylings of our favorite meat-donning pop stars and potty-mouthed rappers. It's kind of a nice feeling- like I am on to something that the rest of the world isn't quite privy to just yet.
The Steel Wheels are an Americana Folk band from the Shenandoah Valley, a place I called home for 5 years of college and grad school. Two of their members are actually residents of good ole Harrisonburg, VA. Something about their music and lyrics resonates with me and just makes me feel sooo so good. It's too bad that our society is far too Gaga and Glee obsessed to recognize and appreciate this kind of music with roots that are woven into the threads of southern culture.
Discovering, or rediscovering as the case may be, gems like The Steel Wheels has a way of reminding me of the little treasures that still exist in this world beneath the surface of all things shiny, plasticy, and temporary. To be honest though, maybe they are best kept safe under the protection of the synthetic and synthesized stylings of our favorite meat-donning pop stars and potty-mouthed rappers. It's kind of a nice feeling- like I am on to something that the rest of the world isn't quite privy to just yet.
I want to hold you like its winter
I want to warm you like its spring
And I want to kiss you like a stranger
Til the autumn comes again
So kiss me so sweetly
I'll kiss you so strong
I've got two hands to hold you,
Two feet to carry on.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Secret Of: Joy
Joy is something I have not taken the time to experience much of recently (refer to previous post for details re: the pity party I have been throwing myself recently). Truth be told, somehow joy has become something I have found myself struggling to feel in its purest form for the last few years. It's not to say that I haven't wanted to revel in the joyful, simple, wonderful things in life. Somewhere along the way things seem to have become "too complicated" and the joy was clouded by many things that aren't even worth mentioning anymore. They are things far less important and far less gratifying than the joy I was missing out on.
Of course, I have experienced so much happiness in recent years. I have spent my days with good friends and loved ones and accomplished many goals I set for myself. I have a handful of wonderful women and men in my life that I call my friends. I have been loved by and been a part of 2 wonderful, supporting, giving families. I have been given the opportunity to commit myself eternally to the person that I have loved since I was 16 years old. There have been so many good days and good experiences that have made me happy.
But I have not always made me happy. In my most introspective days lately, it has occured to me that for as long as I can remember, I have relied too heavily upon extrinsic rewards of this world to make me happy: a new pair of shoes, a salary, an A on a final exam. I have determined my self- worth based upon these things and the approval and opinions of others. It has often even seemed that it is the people who matter least that have the most power to influence my feelings of affirmation. I have become too worried about the way I am percieved in the eyes of others to realize that everything about me is predetermined, I was created this way for a reason and a purpose. My life has a mission that no one on this earth has the power to determine or change. It is my own responsibility and only I have the power to open my eyes, heart, and spirit to the opportunities laid out before me and do the very best to tackle the tasks given, taking full advantage of my own skills and abilities, and praying and having faith that the Lord will offer me the resolve and determination to execute my life the way He has determined.
I have always had trouble fully surrendering my worries, fears, and insecurities. As a result, I have allowed them to take over my life and, at times, steal the joy that exists in living just the way I was intended to. I have made the resolution many times in my life to take opportunities to acknowledge the positive things in the world around me. These efforts have usually been flighty- lasting a few months before life gets complicated and just gets in the way. But there are simple joys in living every day, even the hard days, the bad days, the sick days, and the rainy days. Do the happiest, most fulfilled individuals acknowledge and revel in these joys everyday? Is that the secret?
Today joy is the change of the seasons, a snoring puppy on the floor next to me, a refrigerator full of good food and Spaten Oktoberfest, planning weekend get-a-ways, and a light enough caseload to allow for a healthy dose of introspection.
Of course, I have experienced so much happiness in recent years. I have spent my days with good friends and loved ones and accomplished many goals I set for myself. I have a handful of wonderful women and men in my life that I call my friends. I have been loved by and been a part of 2 wonderful, supporting, giving families. I have been given the opportunity to commit myself eternally to the person that I have loved since I was 16 years old. There have been so many good days and good experiences that have made me happy.
But I have not always made me happy. In my most introspective days lately, it has occured to me that for as long as I can remember, I have relied too heavily upon extrinsic rewards of this world to make me happy: a new pair of shoes, a salary, an A on a final exam. I have determined my self- worth based upon these things and the approval and opinions of others. It has often even seemed that it is the people who matter least that have the most power to influence my feelings of affirmation. I have become too worried about the way I am percieved in the eyes of others to realize that everything about me is predetermined, I was created this way for a reason and a purpose. My life has a mission that no one on this earth has the power to determine or change. It is my own responsibility and only I have the power to open my eyes, heart, and spirit to the opportunities laid out before me and do the very best to tackle the tasks given, taking full advantage of my own skills and abilities, and praying and having faith that the Lord will offer me the resolve and determination to execute my life the way He has determined.
I have always had trouble fully surrendering my worries, fears, and insecurities. As a result, I have allowed them to take over my life and, at times, steal the joy that exists in living just the way I was intended to. I have made the resolution many times in my life to take opportunities to acknowledge the positive things in the world around me. These efforts have usually been flighty- lasting a few months before life gets complicated and just gets in the way. But there are simple joys in living every day, even the hard days, the bad days, the sick days, and the rainy days. Do the happiest, most fulfilled individuals acknowledge and revel in these joys everyday? Is that the secret?
Today joy is the change of the seasons, a snoring puppy on the floor next to me, a refrigerator full of good food and Spaten Oktoberfest, planning weekend get-a-ways, and a light enough caseload to allow for a healthy dose of introspection.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
A Month and Many Things
It's been a while since my last sincere post. It's not to say I haven't tried- many a post has been drafted but found unsuitable for posting to the general public.
To say many things have changed recently would be the understatement of the century. Now that things are settling down a little- I am noticing my once-resilient, easy-going self is having remarkable trouble bouncing back. When friends ask me how I am doing my mind instantly jumps to "oh you know, getting by..." When this is the response I provide they offer the following, logical inquiry, "What's going on? Are you ok?" Again- my brain reaches for the knee-jerk response I keep on a shelf for ease-of access and I want to say "Well you know- the ailing family members, a new job, a new apartment, lots of big transitions- most of which were unplanned and unexpected...."
I am not sure when it occured to me but... these things are no longer valid excuses for why I am in this funky rut I can't seem to dig myself out of. Tory's Dad is working on his recovery- he is home and getting better everyday. If he can have a positive outlook on things, why can't I? My new job is really not-so-new anymore and to be quite honest I have managed to get myself in a productive, efficient routine that I am able to stick to (most days), I like my job a lot and I really can't explain why this comes to mind as a possible life-stressor these days. Oh... and the new apartment has been unpacked and lived-in since the end of July.
So what's my problem? How did I end up living this self-fulfilling prophesy where the events of LITERALLY 3-5 months ago are still wearing on me and significantly impacting my daily life? How have I managed to victimize myself for this long without noticing it until now? How annoying have I been to people who have dared ask how I have been doing in recent months. I really really hope that I am not that girl... you know the one I mean.
So it's time to reclaim control over my own life in a positive way. I am going to start by fully investing myself in my running/fitness/nutrition routine. I am running in the Army 10 miler in 18 days (thats 2.5 weeks) and have half-heartedly been training so far. I have been doing some of the weekday workouts, when I have the time and energy and managing to somehow finish the long weekend runs, abliet painfully and significantly slower than I am willing to openly admit.
But truth be told- most days, I feel my best when I am running. Even when I am running with Tory- it's just ME and THE ROAD. There is no question, no doubt when my legs are pumping and my heart is starting to pound in my chest that I am moving forward, getting somewhere. The burning in my lungs is a painfully beautiful reminder that I am breathing and full of life and capable of feeling hurt and exhaustion and determination to keep on keeping on. My mind's ability to overcome my body's limitations are demonstrations that with spirit, confidence, faith, and determination anything can be accomplished. There is a clear and concrete goal laid out before me- and the person I risk disappointing the most is myself. Nothing is more freeing than knowing you are accountable to you and only you. The single risk of disappointing myself and failing to live up to my own expectations, means I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Every run makes me stronger, faster, and more capable of going even further next time. Running gives me stamina and endurance for the long-hauls. And nothing is more affirmng than a solid finish. My body's transformations are physical proofs of the effects of hard work, determination, resolve and these extrinsic transformations mirror the intrinsic ones I am seeking. Running is exactly what I need right now. When I am running I feel like I am moving in the right direction.
To say many things have changed recently would be the understatement of the century. Now that things are settling down a little- I am noticing my once-resilient, easy-going self is having remarkable trouble bouncing back. When friends ask me how I am doing my mind instantly jumps to "oh you know, getting by..." When this is the response I provide they offer the following, logical inquiry, "What's going on? Are you ok?" Again- my brain reaches for the knee-jerk response I keep on a shelf for ease-of access and I want to say "Well you know- the ailing family members, a new job, a new apartment, lots of big transitions- most of which were unplanned and unexpected...."
I am not sure when it occured to me but... these things are no longer valid excuses for why I am in this funky rut I can't seem to dig myself out of. Tory's Dad is working on his recovery- he is home and getting better everyday. If he can have a positive outlook on things, why can't I? My new job is really not-so-new anymore and to be quite honest I have managed to get myself in a productive, efficient routine that I am able to stick to (most days), I like my job a lot and I really can't explain why this comes to mind as a possible life-stressor these days. Oh... and the new apartment has been unpacked and lived-in since the end of July.
So what's my problem? How did I end up living this self-fulfilling prophesy where the events of LITERALLY 3-5 months ago are still wearing on me and significantly impacting my daily life? How have I managed to victimize myself for this long without noticing it until now? How annoying have I been to people who have dared ask how I have been doing in recent months. I really really hope that I am not that girl... you know the one I mean.
So it's time to reclaim control over my own life in a positive way. I am going to start by fully investing myself in my running/fitness/nutrition routine. I am running in the Army 10 miler in 18 days (thats 2.5 weeks) and have half-heartedly been training so far. I have been doing some of the weekday workouts, when I have the time and energy and managing to somehow finish the long weekend runs, abliet painfully and significantly slower than I am willing to openly admit.
But truth be told- most days, I feel my best when I am running. Even when I am running with Tory- it's just ME and THE ROAD. There is no question, no doubt when my legs are pumping and my heart is starting to pound in my chest that I am moving forward, getting somewhere. The burning in my lungs is a painfully beautiful reminder that I am breathing and full of life and capable of feeling hurt and exhaustion and determination to keep on keeping on. My mind's ability to overcome my body's limitations are demonstrations that with spirit, confidence, faith, and determination anything can be accomplished. There is a clear and concrete goal laid out before me- and the person I risk disappointing the most is myself. Nothing is more freeing than knowing you are accountable to you and only you. The single risk of disappointing myself and failing to live up to my own expectations, means I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Every run makes me stronger, faster, and more capable of going even further next time. Running gives me stamina and endurance for the long-hauls. And nothing is more affirmng than a solid finish. My body's transformations are physical proofs of the effects of hard work, determination, resolve and these extrinsic transformations mirror the intrinsic ones I am seeking. Running is exactly what I need right now. When I am running I feel like I am moving in the right direction.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Why oh why ohhhh why
...did I think it would be a good idea to wait 14 months to get married? What a rediculous idea. Granted, I would be KICKING myself right now if I were planning a fall wedding with everything that is going on right now but I swear- if we actually make it to the April 30th celebration without making it official before then.... 1. you'll never know and 2. it will be a miracle.
But lets be realistic for a minute here- so far all we've got planned is the date and venue. I have had 1 unfruitful attempt at dress shopping, spoken with 1 DJ (actually promising), 3 photographers (a little too promising), and have a tasting for catering next Wednesday. My latest planning hiccup is that I really like 2/3 of the photographers... buuut I can't decide on one. Both have similar styles but different approaches. One has more experience, but the other offers a much more attractive package for a comparable price. Tory is also (conveniently) on the fence. I think I might have to default to my maid's and my Momma on this decision (brace yourselves).
And I thhiiink we might have picked a first dance song- but who know's if we'll change our minds in the next 8 months... still, its something.
Even the colors are up in the air at the moment, oyyy.
Anywho, the long and short of it is that I just can not wait to marry this amazing man who makes my day every morning when I wake up knowing I am going to spend my life with him.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The good with the bad
In life's testiest moments we are offered the rare opportunity to witness first-hand, the true colors of the people around us. I have been both proud and disappointed in what has been unveiled to me in life's most recent adventure.
I have experienced a family that has come together to care for one anothers' body and spirit. Certain individuals have put the weight of the world on their shoulders to lend a helping hand to their loved ones. Being surrounded by these individuals has inspired me to also put myself and my own needs aside to do my part. After many a sleepless night, and many miles logged on the ole rav4, I am proud to say that in less than 9 months, I will officially be a part of this wonderful group of people who love each other so unconditionally and who really show up for each other when the going gets tough.
On the other hand, I have also been rudely awakened to the fact that there are people in this world who are so involved in themselves and their lives that they can't muster the empathy to put themselves in another person's shoes. Even people who make their living "caring for others" and "caring for the sick" seem to have disappointed me in this arena. I don't know what has happened to people to allow them to lose their human connection with others but it often makes me wonder... what is this world coming to? How can some people be so completely involved in themselves to fall so immeasurably short in their relationships, their friendships, and hell, even their jobs? And what has happened to these people that they are either a. clueless to their behavior and how it affects others or b. indifferent to it.
I have experienced a family that has come together to care for one anothers' body and spirit. Certain individuals have put the weight of the world on their shoulders to lend a helping hand to their loved ones. Being surrounded by these individuals has inspired me to also put myself and my own needs aside to do my part. After many a sleepless night, and many miles logged on the ole rav4, I am proud to say that in less than 9 months, I will officially be a part of this wonderful group of people who love each other so unconditionally and who really show up for each other when the going gets tough.
On the other hand, I have also been rudely awakened to the fact that there are people in this world who are so involved in themselves and their lives that they can't muster the empathy to put themselves in another person's shoes. Even people who make their living "caring for others" and "caring for the sick" seem to have disappointed me in this arena. I don't know what has happened to people to allow them to lose their human connection with others but it often makes me wonder... what is this world coming to? How can some people be so completely involved in themselves to fall so immeasurably short in their relationships, their friendships, and hell, even their jobs? And what has happened to these people that they are either a. clueless to their behavior and how it affects others or b. indifferent to it.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I've probably started 15 posts since my last one at the beginning of June, all of which have been abandoned as half-hearted attempts to document in words or pictures the crazy adventure that life has been for me lately. To say the least it has been a series of major ups and downs with more than a few twists and turns here lately. I would love to blog about the amazing things I experienced during our week-long tropical vacation in Hawaii, or about how much I am enjoying my new job (although it has come with it's own set of hurdles to overcome as well). I could tell you about the new apartment Tory and I are moving into in the next 2 weeks, where we are so excited to officially unofficially start our life together. There has even been some progress in the wedding planning front that is certainly blog-worthy... these are all of the little things that have been filling up my life this last month and which I've been contemplating blogging about for the last 44 days but one way or another haven't had the time or energy to. Tonight I don't have much energy at all and my time would probably be more wisely spent sleeping or even starting to fill the empty cardboard in my room with all of the things in this world that are mine, but I am feeling compelled to write about something that I've been thinking a lot about recently.
Family.
I have always considered Tory's family an extension of my own. 4 people who I love, who love me, who, over the last 7 years, have watched me grow into the adult that I am today. 4 people who are proud of me, care for me, and have contributed so much to my life since entering it in 2003. They've been my family for 7 years, but recently the meaning of that word has transformed for me. Suddenly I feel more responsible to adequately fulfill the same roll I have held. I have ownership in this family now. I hold a valuable stake in it. They are mine. They will always be mine and I will always be a part of theirs now.
I didn't realize how important this was to me until recently.
Family.
I have always considered Tory's family an extension of my own. 4 people who I love, who love me, who, over the last 7 years, have watched me grow into the adult that I am today. 4 people who are proud of me, care for me, and have contributed so much to my life since entering it in 2003. They've been my family for 7 years, but recently the meaning of that word has transformed for me. Suddenly I feel more responsible to adequately fulfill the same roll I have held. I have ownership in this family now. I hold a valuable stake in it. They are mine. They will always be mine and I will always be a part of theirs now.
I didn't realize how important this was to me until recently.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Underneath All Your White
Dear Dave Barnes,
Your music makes planning a wedding 150 thousand times more exciting than it already is. You will surely be an integral part of the celebration, I can guarantee.
Love from your adoring fan,
Amanda
Your music makes planning a wedding 150 thousand times more exciting than it already is. You will surely be an integral part of the celebration, I can guarantee.
Love from your adoring fan,
Amanda
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Something To Blog About
Coming to a close on one of the most fabulous weekends in recent months, I am feeling quite content, blessed, and at peace with my life. Maybe it's just the exhaustion talking, but I haven't had a weekend quite like this in a while.
Friday night was a low key ladies night in with strawberry margaritas and a weepy chick flick- always a fun and necessary event to partake in for quality time and preservation of your sanity.
Saturday... amazing day. Sleeping in, followed by a wonderfully warm afternoon and evening in Old Town Alexandria. Tory and I enjoyed the sun and water front, walked, shopped, had pizza and ice cream, got sweaty and funky and made it home DEAD TIRED at 8 pm. We rested up briefly and then did P90X legs, back, and ab ripper-x. P90X is no joke. I can barely sit or stand without feeling unbelievably uncomfortable and stiff right now.
Sunday- tried out a new church, with much success (FINALLY). Tory was happy, I was happy, and finally starting to feel spiritually renewed, refreshed, and excited. I haven't felt that way in a while and I look forward to hopefully feeling this way again on a regular basis in the future. After church Tory and I met with his family at their new house in Lorton- it is almost finished and I think they are scheduled to move in mid-June. The house was huge and gorgeous in a wonderful off-the-beaten-path neighborhood (which is hard to come by in northern VA). After the house, we headed to the driving range where we ended up drenched in sweat with blistered hands, again wonderfully content and pleased with life. After burgers and Mac N cheese, we called it a weekend and headed to our respective homes to rest up for the week, reminding eachother how lucky we were to have eachother to share weekends like this with.
Weekends like these, when I spend hours outside and find myself utterly exhausted from all of the fresh air and sunshine, I can't help but to consider how completely blessed I am. I have wonderful friends and a wonderful fiance and really need to take the time to appreciate life and all of it's little wonders more often. It becomes way too easy to get into the routine of doing tha same things and going to the same places all the time. It is good to change it up sometimes, in fact, I think I might start changing it up on a more regular basis. I want to feel this good all of the time. If living is a drug, today I feel addicted (sorry- I felt like this was an opportune moment to insert a shamelessly corny metaphor of some sort for emphasis... success?)
As for the immediate future,this exhausted, sunshine-stupified, gloriously happy lady is going to get some rest because I have got A LOT of online training to work on in the next few days. HAPPY LIVING!
Friday night was a low key ladies night in with strawberry margaritas and a weepy chick flick- always a fun and necessary event to partake in for quality time and preservation of your sanity.
Saturday... amazing day. Sleeping in, followed by a wonderfully warm afternoon and evening in Old Town Alexandria. Tory and I enjoyed the sun and water front, walked, shopped, had pizza and ice cream, got sweaty and funky and made it home DEAD TIRED at 8 pm. We rested up briefly and then did P90X legs, back, and ab ripper-x. P90X is no joke. I can barely sit or stand without feeling unbelievably uncomfortable and stiff right now.
Sunday- tried out a new church, with much success (FINALLY). Tory was happy, I was happy, and finally starting to feel spiritually renewed, refreshed, and excited. I haven't felt that way in a while and I look forward to hopefully feeling this way again on a regular basis in the future. After church Tory and I met with his family at their new house in Lorton- it is almost finished and I think they are scheduled to move in mid-June. The house was huge and gorgeous in a wonderful off-the-beaten-path neighborhood (which is hard to come by in northern VA). After the house, we headed to the driving range where we ended up drenched in sweat with blistered hands, again wonderfully content and pleased with life. After burgers and Mac N cheese, we called it a weekend and headed to our respective homes to rest up for the week, reminding eachother how lucky we were to have eachother to share weekends like this with.
Weekends like these, when I spend hours outside and find myself utterly exhausted from all of the fresh air and sunshine, I can't help but to consider how completely blessed I am. I have wonderful friends and a wonderful fiance and really need to take the time to appreciate life and all of it's little wonders more often. It becomes way too easy to get into the routine of doing tha same things and going to the same places all the time. It is good to change it up sometimes, in fact, I think I might start changing it up on a more regular basis. I want to feel this good all of the time. If living is a drug, today I feel addicted (sorry- I felt like this was an opportune moment to insert a shamelessly corny metaphor of some sort for emphasis... success?)
As for the immediate future,this exhausted, sunshine-stupified, gloriously happy lady is going to get some rest because I have got A LOT of online training to work on in the next few days. HAPPY LIVING!
Monday, April 26, 2010
A Woman Obsessed
Anyone who knows me ought to know that I have a tendency to become easily obsessed/enthralled in whatever task or interest I am persuing at the moment. I have been that way about school, I became that way about running this time last year, and recently I have begun obsessing over 2 things: My job and my wedding. One of those things is taken care of. I am officially employed by the aforementioned company I wrote about in my previous blog. I am 100% pleased with my decision and I am confident that I will be happy at this job and will continue to learn and grow as a therapist. For a few weeks when I was applying/awaiting an interview all I could do was think about all of the details... how much money would I earn? Would I be able to survive on it? How much is typical? Is the mentorship that appears to exist in the clinic really as good as it seems? Do I really want to work in an office building in Springfield AND in the homes of dozens of toddlers in Fairfax Co.? My mind would wander to these nagging thoughts into the wee hours of the morning and when it finally became time to make a decision I had thought myself into an oblivion and just accepted figuring that it was the best thing to do.
That tends to be the way my mind works- unfortunately this process is neither systematic NOR logical. I like to think of myself as a relatively practical and reasonable person and on the outside I make a significant effort to present myself that way. It's not that I am faking it- I know what is practical and rational and I work really hard to always keep that in the forefront of my mind in an effort to keep from losing it completely. But regardless of how well I am able to convince myself or others (or how poorly)... I am inevitably panicking on the inside.
I am a planner and a details person. I try to cover every single angle and avenue to avoid at all costs the stress and risk of being surprised.
My most recent obsession has been my wedding. The first few weeks of the engagement were amazing (not to say that the recent weeks havent been as well). But at that time I was refusing to allow myself to plan- other than fantasizing about how completely amazing it would be and how many awesome different directions I could go when I did start planning. Then I discovered a venue online that I absolutely loved. My mom got in touch with said venue upon hearing how interested I was in it and a few days later we were marching the grounds of Rock Hill Plantation House and I found myself picturing every amazing moment of my wedding day in the glorious rolling hills of North Stafford. 2 Days later I learned that what were 2 available dates in Spring 2011 unexpectedly became ONE LAST AVAILABLE DATE in the matter of a 2 hour walk-in showing of the place.
At that moment I began to feel the pressure. The nagging, crazy planner inside of me started panicking. I loved the venue and the owners and felt strongly that if I didn't book the place in the next day or so someone else would and I would live every day until my wedding regreting not jumping on the opportunity. So dramatic.
So I booked it.
And then once the ball was rolling, it was full steam ahead. After cancelling all appointments to visit other venues I decided- what better way to fill that time than going dress shopping? Mind you, the date that we booked at Rock Hill is OVER A YEAR FROM NOW. But alas, I packed my mom and my sister in my ancient Rav4 and dress shopping we went... with much success I might add. We had so much fun. Meanwhile, I have been in contact with photographers and my mom's doing her thing with the DJs and I feel like I am being uberplanner these days even though literally have over a year until the big day.
So after a whirlwind week of booking ceremony and reception sites followed by a weekend of gabbing and dress shopping with my Mom and sister, I was up until 2 am last night tieing up lose ends for work this week (HOORAY LAST WEEK OF PRACTICUM!). Needless to say I was able to get everything done and today at work I even managed to get all of my notes and paperwork done before leaving... so here I sit, feeling like I've gone from 100 to stopped on a dime in the matter of seconds and I am realizing I have NOTHING to do, NOTHING to plan, NOTHING to worry about for the next 24 hours until tomorrow's notes have to get done.
...Ergo, I have henceforth decided to put a hold on truly planning and just go back to fantasizing for the next few weeks. In all honesty, I might meet with one of the photgraphers just because I have already been in touch with him and I might as well but otherwise... it will just be fun day dreaming for me. Wouldn't want to plan and plan and plan and then have to wait 10 months to actually get married now would we? In the meantime check out the venue:
http://www.rockhillplantation.com/media/galleries/rockhill/
That tends to be the way my mind works- unfortunately this process is neither systematic NOR logical. I like to think of myself as a relatively practical and reasonable person and on the outside I make a significant effort to present myself that way. It's not that I am faking it- I know what is practical and rational and I work really hard to always keep that in the forefront of my mind in an effort to keep from losing it completely. But regardless of how well I am able to convince myself or others (or how poorly)... I am inevitably panicking on the inside.
I am a planner and a details person. I try to cover every single angle and avenue to avoid at all costs the stress and risk of being surprised.
My most recent obsession has been my wedding. The first few weeks of the engagement were amazing (not to say that the recent weeks havent been as well). But at that time I was refusing to allow myself to plan- other than fantasizing about how completely amazing it would be and how many awesome different directions I could go when I did start planning. Then I discovered a venue online that I absolutely loved. My mom got in touch with said venue upon hearing how interested I was in it and a few days later we were marching the grounds of Rock Hill Plantation House and I found myself picturing every amazing moment of my wedding day in the glorious rolling hills of North Stafford. 2 Days later I learned that what were 2 available dates in Spring 2011 unexpectedly became ONE LAST AVAILABLE DATE in the matter of a 2 hour walk-in showing of the place.
At that moment I began to feel the pressure. The nagging, crazy planner inside of me started panicking. I loved the venue and the owners and felt strongly that if I didn't book the place in the next day or so someone else would and I would live every day until my wedding regreting not jumping on the opportunity. So dramatic.
So I booked it.
And then once the ball was rolling, it was full steam ahead. After cancelling all appointments to visit other venues I decided- what better way to fill that time than going dress shopping? Mind you, the date that we booked at Rock Hill is OVER A YEAR FROM NOW. But alas, I packed my mom and my sister in my ancient Rav4 and dress shopping we went... with much success I might add. We had so much fun. Meanwhile, I have been in contact with photographers and my mom's doing her thing with the DJs and I feel like I am being uberplanner these days even though literally have over a year until the big day.
So after a whirlwind week of booking ceremony and reception sites followed by a weekend of gabbing and dress shopping with my Mom and sister, I was up until 2 am last night tieing up lose ends for work this week (HOORAY LAST WEEK OF PRACTICUM!). Needless to say I was able to get everything done and today at work I even managed to get all of my notes and paperwork done before leaving... so here I sit, feeling like I've gone from 100 to stopped on a dime in the matter of seconds and I am realizing I have NOTHING to do, NOTHING to plan, NOTHING to worry about for the next 24 hours until tomorrow's notes have to get done.
...Ergo, I have henceforth decided to put a hold on truly planning and just go back to fantasizing for the next few weeks. In all honesty, I might meet with one of the photgraphers just because I have already been in touch with him and I might as well but otherwise... it will just be fun day dreaming for me. Wouldn't want to plan and plan and plan and then have to wait 10 months to actually get married now would we? In the meantime check out the venue:
http://www.rockhillplantation.com/media/galleries/rockhill/
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Don't Sneak Up On Me Like That!
Well, here it goes. One wing-ding of life update post. Let's see here, what's happened since the last time I wrote? Anything significant? Hmm... Oh yeah, I'm getting married! And I'm sure there's something else I am forgetting... oh maybe being 3 weeks away from graduation and having a job offer. Woooohooo! (and at the same time) Holy smokes, adulthood- WHEN DID YOU ARRIVE? And please dont you ever sneak up on me like that again. OK. Now for details:
Getting married- that was a no-brainer. Of all of the grown up, life changing decisions I'm having to make this was by far the easiest of all. THE Proposal occured on March 21 in true Tory style... completely blind siding me, catching me in my gym clothes after stuffing my face with chipotle (ironic, right?... this also made for really special photo ops courtesy of LMT that night.) I found the gift bag from the store which was planted for me in his gym bag to find when retrieving a T-shirt for him. Inside the bag was a gift box, inside the gift box was a ring box, and inside the ring box was THIS:
I immediately burst into tears and asked the first question any classy, self respecting, well raised young lady would ask her future fiance... "Did you ask my Dad?" He did. In fact... he did it twice because my dad made it so difficult for him the first time. Note to all future husbands out there: Don't preface your "big talk" with a girl's dad by saying "I was thinking about asking [insert name] to marry me..." because if her father is anything like mine, the response you'll likely get is, "Well, when you're done thinking and have made a decision come talk to me."
I said "yes" and here we are 3-weeks engaged and still blissfully avoiding wedding planning in too much detail. We've decided on a few small things and I am starting to hunt for ceremony/reception venues to get the ball rolling but I have discovered that wedding planning ain't always fun business. It can be stressful and overwhelming when you realize all of the options that are out there and especially when you realize "Ohhh, I have a budget." Oh well, I am hoping that things will start falling together and if they don't I'll just be hitting up city hall with the fam and a few of my closest friends. Maybe we can celebrate at RiRa after (we celebrate everything else there...it would be in poor taste not to).
In other news... I recieved a job offer today from the clinic at which I am doing my internship this semester (refer to previous posts where I indicate that I never intend on seeking employment at this facility... haha). Here are the great things: an awesome CF program that has been in the works for many years at the clinic (which i assume means it has been tweaked, mastered, and perfected over time-keeping my fingers crossed). The people who work there are great. They are brilliant, young, well educated professionals who love their careers and their jobs (most of them at least- there's a debbie downer in every bunch). The details of the job have me doing early intervention which is something I have come to absolutely love this semester... I will also be spending 2 days in the clinic working with children of all ages.
With any big decision in life- I also have to consider the downsides to the offer (which I refuse to be tacky enough to describe in detail via blog). Let's just say, like any job, there are positives and negatives. One of the negatives is that I've got just 3 days to decide if the positives are enough to sign the papers and agree to work there for the next 18 months. That doesnt even really give me enough time to talk over the benefits (HMO? PPO? OMG!) with Tory or my Dad to make sure I am not getting ripped off here.
Bottom line- the best thing to do in situations like these is humble yourself and put the decision in the hands of a Higher Power. If you find me on my knees quite a bit in the next 36 hours- don't worry, I'll just be praying with all I've got for the guidance and wisdom to make the best desicion for myself.
Getting married- that was a no-brainer. Of all of the grown up, life changing decisions I'm having to make this was by far the easiest of all. THE Proposal occured on March 21 in true Tory style... completely blind siding me, catching me in my gym clothes after stuffing my face with chipotle (ironic, right?... this also made for really special photo ops courtesy of LMT that night.) I found the gift bag from the store which was planted for me in his gym bag to find when retrieving a T-shirt for him. Inside the bag was a gift box, inside the gift box was a ring box, and inside the ring box was THIS:
I immediately burst into tears and asked the first question any classy, self respecting, well raised young lady would ask her future fiance... "Did you ask my Dad?" He did. In fact... he did it twice because my dad made it so difficult for him the first time. Note to all future husbands out there: Don't preface your "big talk" with a girl's dad by saying "I was thinking about asking [insert name] to marry me..." because if her father is anything like mine, the response you'll likely get is, "Well, when you're done thinking and have made a decision come talk to me."
I said "yes" and here we are 3-weeks engaged and still blissfully avoiding wedding planning in too much detail. We've decided on a few small things and I am starting to hunt for ceremony/reception venues to get the ball rolling but I have discovered that wedding planning ain't always fun business. It can be stressful and overwhelming when you realize all of the options that are out there and especially when you realize "Ohhh, I have a budget." Oh well, I am hoping that things will start falling together and if they don't I'll just be hitting up city hall with the fam and a few of my closest friends. Maybe we can celebrate at RiRa after (we celebrate everything else there...it would be in poor taste not to).
In other news... I recieved a job offer today from the clinic at which I am doing my internship this semester (refer to previous posts where I indicate that I never intend on seeking employment at this facility... haha). Here are the great things: an awesome CF program that has been in the works for many years at the clinic (which i assume means it has been tweaked, mastered, and perfected over time-keeping my fingers crossed). The people who work there are great. They are brilliant, young, well educated professionals who love their careers and their jobs (most of them at least- there's a debbie downer in every bunch). The details of the job have me doing early intervention which is something I have come to absolutely love this semester... I will also be spending 2 days in the clinic working with children of all ages.
With any big decision in life- I also have to consider the downsides to the offer (which I refuse to be tacky enough to describe in detail via blog). Let's just say, like any job, there are positives and negatives. One of the negatives is that I've got just 3 days to decide if the positives are enough to sign the papers and agree to work there for the next 18 months. That doesnt even really give me enough time to talk over the benefits (HMO? PPO? OMG!) with Tory or my Dad to make sure I am not getting ripped off here.
Bottom line- the best thing to do in situations like these is humble yourself and put the decision in the hands of a Higher Power. If you find me on my knees quite a bit in the next 36 hours- don't worry, I'll just be praying with all I've got for the guidance and wisdom to make the best desicion for myself.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Between a rock and a hard place...
At what point is it acceptable to put your foot down and absolutely refuse to accept something and even go so far as to insist that someone make it right? What about when these people are your superiors and hold a position of authority over you? What if over a thousand dollars and/or everything you've worked so hard for for the last 6 years is on the line in the situation?
What if in a certain situation it is completely unclear who is at fault or responsible for making it right?
There's such a fine line between being a complete push over and a complete beeotch. How do you make sure to get your point across without crossing that proverbial line?
Ugh, life.
What if in a certain situation it is completely unclear who is at fault or responsible for making it right?
There's such a fine line between being a complete push over and a complete beeotch. How do you make sure to get your point across without crossing that proverbial line?
Ugh, life.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Oh, that pedestal.
I've learned a very difficult and unfortunate lesson already this week... and it's only Monday. To sum it up in one sentence: Not even the most seemingly perfect people can live up to the pedestals we place them on.
I'll elaborate by saying that it really isn't fair to anyone when you believe that a person is incapable of letting you down or disappointing you. It isn't fair to them and, most importantly, it isn't fair to you. Even the most special, sincere, and honest person is incapable of being perfect. Making mistakes is what makes us human. No one's perfect and even the most respectable and honest people fall... and when they do it's a long, long way down. It's really hard for us sometimes to look at someone we hold in such high regard in this light. It's a rude awakening to realize that someone who you respect so much and has never let you down is capable of disappointing you. It is hard to realize that no one's perfect- even the people who always seem to do right thing. It's a tough, but important, lesson to learn.
What I've learned is even more important-though- is how these significant people react to their mistakes. Often times it is just as difficult to realize that you've hurt someone as it is to be the one that has been hurt. When a person can truly feel empathy and when knowing that they hurt someone hurts them even worse- you often realize that there is a reason that you've had so much respect for them and why you're so disappointed in their decision-making. Sincere apologies are never over rated and its often the people who love so much who know just how to convey how sorry they really are.
At this point- the ball's in your court and what's important in this moment is how you react. I really believe that there's no wrong way to feel. We, as the humans that we are, are entitled to feel hurt, betrayed, and mistreated... but we've got one big decision to make. We either accept their apologies or we don't. Either way- forgiveness is the key ingredient here. Whether you decide to acknowledge a person's apology or move on your life... there's one thing quite simple: you've got to forgive, for your own mental and emotional health as well as theirs. And by forgiveness- I don't mean saying that you've forgiven and harboring hard feelings long term.
On that note...it's also important to realize that there's no room for entertaining the notion of forgiveness while dangling it in front of the person who has hurt you. That can be just as wrong and as hurtful as the original indiscretion. You've got to be fair to the person who has apologized to you... whether you move on with your life or forgive them indefinitely for their mistakes (knowing that you aren't so perfect yourself). Life is too short to tangle with the notion of "i'll forgive them now but make them suffer for the next 3 weeks..."
The Bible reminds us that bad decisions and mistakes (aka sin), as shameful as they may be, are part of being human- and forgiveness, though inexplicably divine, is something we should strive to accomplish just as Christ has forgiven us. Just another reminder of how human and imperfect we really are- are those times that it is SO difficult to forgive. It never hurts to be reminded of what is so explicitly stated in Ephesians, chapter 4: "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry...Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:26; 31-32).
I am definitely not the best example of this in my own life, but it is something I truly strive to accomplish. Anger, bitterness, and grudges are toxic elements in anyone's life and I've learned that in my past, I've often had too many of them in my own. Here's one more thing I want to become better at! :)
I'll elaborate by saying that it really isn't fair to anyone when you believe that a person is incapable of letting you down or disappointing you. It isn't fair to them and, most importantly, it isn't fair to you. Even the most special, sincere, and honest person is incapable of being perfect. Making mistakes is what makes us human. No one's perfect and even the most respectable and honest people fall... and when they do it's a long, long way down. It's really hard for us sometimes to look at someone we hold in such high regard in this light. It's a rude awakening to realize that someone who you respect so much and has never let you down is capable of disappointing you. It is hard to realize that no one's perfect- even the people who always seem to do right thing. It's a tough, but important, lesson to learn.
What I've learned is even more important-though- is how these significant people react to their mistakes. Often times it is just as difficult to realize that you've hurt someone as it is to be the one that has been hurt. When a person can truly feel empathy and when knowing that they hurt someone hurts them even worse- you often realize that there is a reason that you've had so much respect for them and why you're so disappointed in their decision-making. Sincere apologies are never over rated and its often the people who love so much who know just how to convey how sorry they really are.
At this point- the ball's in your court and what's important in this moment is how you react. I really believe that there's no wrong way to feel. We, as the humans that we are, are entitled to feel hurt, betrayed, and mistreated... but we've got one big decision to make. We either accept their apologies or we don't. Either way- forgiveness is the key ingredient here. Whether you decide to acknowledge a person's apology or move on your life... there's one thing quite simple: you've got to forgive, for your own mental and emotional health as well as theirs. And by forgiveness- I don't mean saying that you've forgiven and harboring hard feelings long term.
On that note...it's also important to realize that there's no room for entertaining the notion of forgiveness while dangling it in front of the person who has hurt you. That can be just as wrong and as hurtful as the original indiscretion. You've got to be fair to the person who has apologized to you... whether you move on with your life or forgive them indefinitely for their mistakes (knowing that you aren't so perfect yourself). Life is too short to tangle with the notion of "i'll forgive them now but make them suffer for the next 3 weeks..."
The Bible reminds us that bad decisions and mistakes (aka sin), as shameful as they may be, are part of being human- and forgiveness, though inexplicably divine, is something we should strive to accomplish just as Christ has forgiven us. Just another reminder of how human and imperfect we really are- are those times that it is SO difficult to forgive. It never hurts to be reminded of what is so explicitly stated in Ephesians, chapter 4: "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry...Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:26; 31-32).
I am definitely not the best example of this in my own life, but it is something I truly strive to accomplish. Anger, bitterness, and grudges are toxic elements in anyone's life and I've learned that in my past, I've often had too many of them in my own. Here's one more thing I want to become better at! :)
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I need a day off to recover from my weekend.
Ohhh what a weekend. Fun times Friday night in Clarendon which unfortunately ended in the karmic event of me losing my wallet at some point between the portico of my building and actually entering my apartment... which is really mysterious to me being that I was relatively sober and had my wallet with me when I paid the cab driver... Odds are it stayed in the back of the cab and someone else now has my identity and $20 on my smartrip. This is only karmic because I, of course, felt the need to be rude to the cab driver because he was 1. driving like a complete and utter lunatic and 2. had no idea where he was going which I find slightly offensive since I got in the cab approximately 3 miles down the SAME ROAD that my apartment is on.
Anyway- as a result of my spacey-ness I spent Saturday morning and afternoon doing a marathon SPRINT all over NOVA to get my drivers license and debit card replaced before both the DMV and bank closed at 12 and 1 respectively. I waited at dmv for 2 hours after having to leave the line because I forgot my social security card (turns out they don't accept that as a form of identification anyway so I should have just stayed in line....). Anyway- I was fortunate enough to deal with some really accomodating people at DMV and the bank because I was miraculously able to get everything that I needed done and taken care of. Not the most ideal way to spend a Saturday but at least I fixed everything.
After the entire debacle of reclaiming my identity- I had zippy energy to do anything fun Saturday night (which was unfortunate because Lila had a friend in town and I behaved like a major party pooper). G and Alex came over for pizza and games and we had a fun low key night of question cube and catch phrase.
And to remedy the exhaustion and distress of the weekend I slept off and on until like 11:30 this morning- which was nice but now I feel really lazy and like a total waste of space. Add this on top of still feeling disgusted with myself from losing my wallet and here I am feeling pretty useless. I am so tired and just want to crawl into my bed and sleep until I can forget about how stupid I am. I need this week to start so I can go back to feeling like I'm doing something productive and meaningful. Meanwhile- I guess I will just snuggle up with harry potter and try not to feel too sorry for myself haha.
On another note- it does not feel good to not be trusted for no valid reason whatsoever. nothing hurts more or makes me angrier than hearing accusation and judgement in someone's voice when they are both trying to beat around the bush and are completely off base. Also-I think I've discovered a new hobby- cooking! More to come later, but in the meantime just call me Chef Amanda.
Anyway- as a result of my spacey-ness I spent Saturday morning and afternoon doing a marathon SPRINT all over NOVA to get my drivers license and debit card replaced before both the DMV and bank closed at 12 and 1 respectively. I waited at dmv for 2 hours after having to leave the line because I forgot my social security card (turns out they don't accept that as a form of identification anyway so I should have just stayed in line....). Anyway- I was fortunate enough to deal with some really accomodating people at DMV and the bank because I was miraculously able to get everything that I needed done and taken care of. Not the most ideal way to spend a Saturday but at least I fixed everything.
After the entire debacle of reclaiming my identity- I had zippy energy to do anything fun Saturday night (which was unfortunate because Lila had a friend in town and I behaved like a major party pooper). G and Alex came over for pizza and games and we had a fun low key night of question cube and catch phrase.
And to remedy the exhaustion and distress of the weekend I slept off and on until like 11:30 this morning- which was nice but now I feel really lazy and like a total waste of space. Add this on top of still feeling disgusted with myself from losing my wallet and here I am feeling pretty useless. I am so tired and just want to crawl into my bed and sleep until I can forget about how stupid I am. I need this week to start so I can go back to feeling like I'm doing something productive and meaningful. Meanwhile- I guess I will just snuggle up with harry potter and try not to feel too sorry for myself haha.
On another note- it does not feel good to not be trusted for no valid reason whatsoever. nothing hurts more or makes me angrier than hearing accusation and judgement in someone's voice when they are both trying to beat around the bush and are completely off base. Also-I think I've discovered a new hobby- cooking! More to come later, but in the meantime just call me Chef Amanda.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Victory!
Days like today are good for the soul. Despite the long day at practicum with lots of kids continuing to cancel sessions because they can't get out of their neighborhoods (thanks fairfax county and surrounding DC metro area for being AMAZING during a winter snow crisis-ha!)and the inservice I'd prepared being postponed last minute- today was awesome.
The kids that did make it to the clinic had great sessions, I had several interesting and educated conversations with other SLPs about topics that I am really excited about learning about- pediatric feeding, apraxia of speech, etc... my supervisor is great and is really trying to work with me to help me get in as many eval hours as possible during the remaining half of the semester AND I got the chance to talk to some of the CFs at the clinic about the awesome CF program they offer there- they all seem to enjoy it a lot and are getting to work with really diverse caseloads and learn a ton. The SLP supervisor at the facility works really closely with them and seems to be an awesome resource for all of us to have around.... NOT that I am interested in investigating a job at this particular clinic (for various other reasons) BUT it is really nice to know that I might be getting my foot into a door that could lead to some awesome opportunities in the future IF I change my mind. Plus its always nice to have options...
It's days like today where I realize that I can do this job. I have worked so hard for the past 6 years and it feels really good to see the benefits of hard work. I'm going to love the career I chose for myself and I'm beginning to believe I can really be good at it.
PLUS when I got home the first thing I saw were the lovely red tulips Tory got me for Valentine's Day and then I ran 3 mi in 26.5 minutes. I am feeling rather victorious about conquering this wet, cold, and blustery winter day.
The kids that did make it to the clinic had great sessions, I had several interesting and educated conversations with other SLPs about topics that I am really excited about learning about- pediatric feeding, apraxia of speech, etc... my supervisor is great and is really trying to work with me to help me get in as many eval hours as possible during the remaining half of the semester AND I got the chance to talk to some of the CFs at the clinic about the awesome CF program they offer there- they all seem to enjoy it a lot and are getting to work with really diverse caseloads and learn a ton. The SLP supervisor at the facility works really closely with them and seems to be an awesome resource for all of us to have around.... NOT that I am interested in investigating a job at this particular clinic (for various other reasons) BUT it is really nice to know that I might be getting my foot into a door that could lead to some awesome opportunities in the future IF I change my mind. Plus its always nice to have options...
It's days like today where I realize that I can do this job. I have worked so hard for the past 6 years and it feels really good to see the benefits of hard work. I'm going to love the career I chose for myself and I'm beginning to believe I can really be good at it.
PLUS when I got home the first thing I saw were the lovely red tulips Tory got me for Valentine's Day and then I ran 3 mi in 26.5 minutes. I am feeling rather victorious about conquering this wet, cold, and blustery winter day.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A Lesson in Being Humble
It's been 6 days since I was last at my internship. I have enjoyed the 5 day weekend I have had since DC got 2+ ft. of snow and was able to recover from a slight head cold and catch up on some sleep during the process. But as of today I'm finding myself a little bit bored and stir crazy... itching to get back to my little toddlers and learning about the career I have chosen for myself. Unfortunately, Mr. Weatherman is forecasting another 10+ inches tonight and tomorrow so I am afraid I wont be going back just yet. Major downfall to all of these days off: my training has taken a major hit. I haven't been outside to run in 10 days and I'm ready to pull my hair out on the treadmill. I am getting so bored and having to mix it up with cross training on days that I am supposed to be running.
But... the snow is beautiful and I know when summer rolls around I'll be whining about how miserably hot it is so I guess I should enjoy the winter wonderland while its here- back to being positive, right-o!
Also- I've got an adventure planned in the form of a possible trip to NYC at the end of the month. Just a weekend away but I am looking forward to possibly getting out of this city and spending a few days with some old friends. More details to come!
And now- a random aside, something I've learned recently:
A brief lesson in being humble: the more time and effort you spend pointing out your superiorities... the more likely people are to notice when you are nothing more than mediocre and the less forgiveness you'll experience for the faults that only make you human. People most often prefer to discover a person's endearing qualities independently and would rather not have them thrust in their faces. Let your behavior, your actions, your successes, and your inevitable failures speak for themselves. If you're as good as you believe you are, the message will come across even stronger. Thats my new resolution for myself. From now on I am going to strive to achieve nothing more or less than the goals I set for myself. And my ability to accomplish them will change me in no other way than making me a better person with a better understanding of the importance of discipiline, diligence, and hard work. I will work to accomplish my own goals and dreams and in the process I will try to uplift others as they do the same. I will not try to bring people down for fear that they will do better than me. I will be proud of the efforts of others and continue to acknowledge hard work when I see it. I will strive to set an example of the humble behaviors I'd like to witness in others. I'm going to try hard.
Another random aside- I love Tory, he's my silent hero.
But... the snow is beautiful and I know when summer rolls around I'll be whining about how miserably hot it is so I guess I should enjoy the winter wonderland while its here- back to being positive, right-o!
Also- I've got an adventure planned in the form of a possible trip to NYC at the end of the month. Just a weekend away but I am looking forward to possibly getting out of this city and spending a few days with some old friends. More details to come!
And now- a random aside, something I've learned recently:
A brief lesson in being humble: the more time and effort you spend pointing out your superiorities... the more likely people are to notice when you are nothing more than mediocre and the less forgiveness you'll experience for the faults that only make you human. People most often prefer to discover a person's endearing qualities independently and would rather not have them thrust in their faces. Let your behavior, your actions, your successes, and your inevitable failures speak for themselves. If you're as good as you believe you are, the message will come across even stronger. Thats my new resolution for myself. From now on I am going to strive to achieve nothing more or less than the goals I set for myself. And my ability to accomplish them will change me in no other way than making me a better person with a better understanding of the importance of discipiline, diligence, and hard work. I will work to accomplish my own goals and dreams and in the process I will try to uplift others as they do the same. I will not try to bring people down for fear that they will do better than me. I will be proud of the efforts of others and continue to acknowledge hard work when I see it. I will strive to set an example of the humble behaviors I'd like to witness in others. I'm going to try hard.
Another random aside- I love Tory, he's my silent hero.
Friday, January 29, 2010
For Lila
Clearly I've been a bad little blogger these past 3 weeks. I don't know what my problem is- I've been busy but not THAT busy and everyday I have had plenty of wonderful things to share. I guess we can just chalk it up to laziness (shocker).
At the request of one Lisa M. Talley I am updating my blog for her entertainment- not that I think this particular post will be especially interesting but maybe it will kickstart my motivation again and she'll have something to read in the next few days while she eagerly anticipates the start of her spring practicum at GTown.
As for my new years resolution: is it acceptable to just give my honor that I have made a concious effort to note the positive things in life on a daily basis and to just sum up the last three weeks with a big fat HOORAY. Things are still great with my practicum- I am happy to say that I still really love early intervention and the ittybitties I get to work with. Just like in the nursing home, I am witnessing some of the most dysfunctional and whacky family dynamics and have encountered some scum-of-the earth quality parents and family members BUT on the whole- I am really appreciating the fast progress that these kids make in comparison to geriatrics. It is just so unbelievable how resilient little kids can be. I really liked the nursing home setting but I am starting to truly believe that my calling is in a pediatric setting. So far I've seen some feeding, apraxia, down syndrome, cleft lip and palate, phonology, language, artic, lots and lots of autism, and even a few FLKs thrown in- a good variety that keeps me on my toes from kid to kid.
Another really cool and unexpected part of the job that I really like- I am learning some basic Spanish. Doing home visits with at risk low SES kids in Spanish speaking homes allows me to interact with interpreters and learn lots of basic vocabulary (some of my favorites: amarillo, caballo, besitos, and Da me cinco...) I dont know why I like this so much but I feel all sorts of multicultural and special about it. I really am only learning enough to function on the 1-2 word phrase level with a child approx. age 2- but hey you've gotta start somewhere right?
SOOO again, I will resolve to recommit myself to this blog and update you on the rest of my life and progress towards some of those new years resolutions (i've got a few adventures planned and i've been doing my best to reconnect with some old friends)... meanwhile, I'll keep my fingers crossed that LMT's internship gets going sometime soon before she goes completely bonkers cooped up in this apartment for the last 8 weeks.
At the request of one Lisa M. Talley I am updating my blog for her entertainment- not that I think this particular post will be especially interesting but maybe it will kickstart my motivation again and she'll have something to read in the next few days while she eagerly anticipates the start of her spring practicum at GTown.
As for my new years resolution: is it acceptable to just give my honor that I have made a concious effort to note the positive things in life on a daily basis and to just sum up the last three weeks with a big fat HOORAY. Things are still great with my practicum- I am happy to say that I still really love early intervention and the ittybitties I get to work with. Just like in the nursing home, I am witnessing some of the most dysfunctional and whacky family dynamics and have encountered some scum-of-the earth quality parents and family members BUT on the whole- I am really appreciating the fast progress that these kids make in comparison to geriatrics. It is just so unbelievable how resilient little kids can be. I really liked the nursing home setting but I am starting to truly believe that my calling is in a pediatric setting. So far I've seen some feeding, apraxia, down syndrome, cleft lip and palate, phonology, language, artic, lots and lots of autism, and even a few FLKs thrown in- a good variety that keeps me on my toes from kid to kid.
Another really cool and unexpected part of the job that I really like- I am learning some basic Spanish. Doing home visits with at risk low SES kids in Spanish speaking homes allows me to interact with interpreters and learn lots of basic vocabulary (some of my favorites: amarillo, caballo, besitos, and Da me cinco...) I dont know why I like this so much but I feel all sorts of multicultural and special about it. I really am only learning enough to function on the 1-2 word phrase level with a child approx. age 2- but hey you've gotta start somewhere right?
SOOO again, I will resolve to recommit myself to this blog and update you on the rest of my life and progress towards some of those new years resolutions (i've got a few adventures planned and i've been doing my best to reconnect with some old friends)... meanwhile, I'll keep my fingers crossed that LMT's internship gets going sometime soon before she goes completely bonkers cooped up in this apartment for the last 8 weeks.
Monday, January 11, 2010
LittleBitties and a Word on Avatar 3D...
Fab day. 2nd off campus internship/practicum/clinical situation started today. I am working with an early intervention SLP through a private practice in Springfield- 2 days clinic, 3 days home visits... so far i really like it. I can't believe how fast I forgot how much I adore little kids and love being with them, talking to them, and playing with them. They are the most precious little creatures on the planet- each so beautiful and perfect in their own little ways. (I'm really working the cheese factor here aren't I? haha!)
But all kidding aside- children really are so precious, especially when they are little- they don't care what you look like, how old (or young) you are, where you come from, how much money you have... they have this innate ability to see right to the core of a person and appreciate them for the individual gifts they have to offer. The goofier and sillier you can be the more fun they have without passing any sort of judgement or criticism. They either accept you for who you are or they don't for the very same reason. I've missed working with kids and I am sooo excited for this semester. I realize it is only the first day but if this is any indication of what the rest of the semester will be like I am sure I will have a blast and learn a lot.
Ohh and yesterday was fun too- was able to relax all morning then did a 4 mi run with T, finishing in 37 minutes and NOT freezing to death thanks to even MORE coldgear I got from his parents. Then went to dinner and saw Avatar 3D which was awesome (even if it was SciFi and i HATE SciFi). I did have one considerable problem with the movie: the complete and utter lack of respect for the military. Yes, I realize that they were supposed to be these freak veterans that believed that their time of service wasnt up just yet and were hired as mercenaries to destroy Pandora and the whatchamacalit natives; HOWEVER, they were outfitted in military attire for the duration of the movie and spoke in military jargon thus painting the picture that the military is a bunch of ignorant, blood thirsty, blind followers of one psychotic colonel on steriods. the only redeeming quality of this aspect of the film was that the ignorance of these hired mercenaries was SO UNBELIEVABLY over the top that it was really hard to take it seriously. Honestly- so corny in that respect.
But all kidding aside- children really are so precious, especially when they are little- they don't care what you look like, how old (or young) you are, where you come from, how much money you have... they have this innate ability to see right to the core of a person and appreciate them for the individual gifts they have to offer. The goofier and sillier you can be the more fun they have without passing any sort of judgement or criticism. They either accept you for who you are or they don't for the very same reason. I've missed working with kids and I am sooo excited for this semester. I realize it is only the first day but if this is any indication of what the rest of the semester will be like I am sure I will have a blast and learn a lot.
Ohh and yesterday was fun too- was able to relax all morning then did a 4 mi run with T, finishing in 37 minutes and NOT freezing to death thanks to even MORE coldgear I got from his parents. Then went to dinner and saw Avatar 3D which was awesome (even if it was SciFi and i HATE SciFi). I did have one considerable problem with the movie: the complete and utter lack of respect for the military. Yes, I realize that they were supposed to be these freak veterans that believed that their time of service wasnt up just yet and were hired as mercenaries to destroy Pandora and the whatchamacalit natives; HOWEVER, they were outfitted in military attire for the duration of the movie and spoke in military jargon thus painting the picture that the military is a bunch of ignorant, blood thirsty, blind followers of one psychotic colonel on steriods. the only redeeming quality of this aspect of the film was that the ignorance of these hired mercenaries was SO UNBELIEVABLY over the top that it was really hard to take it seriously. Honestly- so corny in that respect.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Glorious!
Jan. 08, 2010- Relaxed all day and didn't panic about the praxis AND I counted 126 days left until Hawaii!
Jan. 09, 2010: I have officially taken the SLP Praxis and what makes it even better is that it went really well! Thank the Lord I bought that big blue study guide- well worth the $150. It thoroughly prepared me for that test. I feel so great right now I think I could just burst.
Why hello social life, it's wonderful to see you again!
Jan. 09, 2010: I have officially taken the SLP Praxis and what makes it even better is that it went really well! Thank the Lord I bought that big blue study guide- well worth the $150. It thoroughly prepared me for that test. I feel so great right now I think I could just burst.
Why hello social life, it's wonderful to see you again!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A tiny bit tardy.
I have concluded that this ambitious goal of making note of something positive every single day is going to be quite difficult to maintain. I am a few days behind but lets see what I can do....
Jan 5, 2010: rented funny movies with Momma and had a blast cracking up all night. life's simplest pleasures...
Jan 6, 2010: FINISHED THE BIG BLUE PRAXIS STUDY GUIDE! I've got a few more things to review before the test but I am feeling pretty good about this thing. I wish I could just take it tomorrow and be done with it. Also- Aunt Sherry came to visit and I got to spend a day with her before coming back home today! It's always good to see her!
Jan 7, 2010: Momma sent me home with pulled pork barbeque for dinner AND I went grocery shopping AND my giant card saved me $10! Very few things in life make me happier than a fully-stocked refrigerator.
I'm not looking forward to being room-mateless for the next week but I'm assuming I will survive. At least I will be busy with the Praxis Saturday and my next practicum starting Monday at 7:45 am (AHH!)
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR 26.2 LISA AND BRANDON! Give Mickey a hug for me! (and safe travels!)
Til next time!
Jan 5, 2010: rented funny movies with Momma and had a blast cracking up all night. life's simplest pleasures...
Jan 6, 2010: FINISHED THE BIG BLUE PRAXIS STUDY GUIDE! I've got a few more things to review before the test but I am feeling pretty good about this thing. I wish I could just take it tomorrow and be done with it. Also- Aunt Sherry came to visit and I got to spend a day with her before coming back home today! It's always good to see her!
Jan 7, 2010: Momma sent me home with pulled pork barbeque for dinner AND I went grocery shopping AND my giant card saved me $10! Very few things in life make me happier than a fully-stocked refrigerator.
I'm not looking forward to being room-mateless for the next week but I'm assuming I will survive. At least I will be busy with the Praxis Saturday and my next practicum starting Monday at 7:45 am (AHH!)
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR 26.2 LISA AND BRANDON! Give Mickey a hug for me! (and safe travels!)
Til next time!
Monday, January 4, 2010
It's a great day!
I feel like I've got about a million wonderful things to say about today. Keeping up with my resolution won't be hard at all! Today was a really busy but productive day. I spent most of the morning/afternoon studying for the Praxis- not necessarily fun but good to feel like I am getting a lot done and that I just might be prepared for this exam on Saturday! :) I studied enough during the day that I was able to do my 4 mile run outside late in the afternoon. It was freezing but my new coldgear did a nice job of keeping me dry and warm. When I took my hat off, I was actually sweating bullets underneath. It was a good run (minus my ipod dying during the last mile...boo). I felt like I worked hard and really got my heart pumping. I got home and was about to start this post when my cell phone rang- it was Gina! I haven't talked to her in quite a while (remember that thing about not keeping in touch with my friends).... so I was really glad she called. I told her about my resolution to do to better job of keeping in touch with my friends and thanked her for helping me out haha! She's a great friend and I miss her a lot. I think one of my adventures for 2010 will be taking a trip up to Jerz/NYC to visit her- how fun! Now for the rest of the night all I have to worry about is a little bit more Praxis studying and maybe entertaining my inner 15 year old by taking part in a little guilty pleasure I like to call the Bachelor and The Secret Life of the American Teenager premieres!
Woohoo, gonna be a good night!
Woohoo, gonna be a good night!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Fail! But on a positive note...
Ooopsies, how did January 3 sneak up so quickly? Regarding my last post: I have not yet begun my quest to read the Bible start to finish (as I am still cramming for the Praxis in 6 days), I have not officially documented positive things that have occured in the last three days (but I have been mentally making note of them), and I did pass on the opportunity to hang out with BLap for the first time in FOREVER because I was not feeling so fabulous after NYE. HOWEVER.... I will count ringing in the New Year at Public Bar in Dupont Circle quite a success at partaking in adventures in 2010. I won't go into detail but I will say that I fell in a massive puddle on the way to the bar and slept on my floor when I got home. Needless to say, I wont be having that kind of adventure for some time (hopefully never) again.
Also on new years eve eve I did get the opportunity to hang out with a great friend from YEARS ago who moved to the west coast when we were 14. It was fabulous to get to spend some time with her and catch up on what we've been doing the last 9 years. She hasn't changed much, except in the sense that she's all grown up now (interestingly, I am as well...). But its always nice to see that people maintain their integrity and who they are over the years. She had to go back to Cali but plans to visit in the spring/summer. I look forward to spending time with her again soon!
Amanda and Amanda- 9 years later! I sure do miss her!
So about those resolutions. Allow me to make up for my slackerness in documenting something fun and fabulous that happened to me in the last 3 days.
January 1, 2010: I spent a wonderful evening with Tory's family at dinner, cracking up at their routine comic relief in the presence of my remaining queasiness from the night before. I got to eat a yummy meal of all the new year's traditions. I'm certain I've got all the luck I'll need for 2010. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful group of people that I consider family so close to me in NOVA. I love them dearly.
January 2, 2010: I watched a movie adapted from one of my favorite book series: Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Zach gave me the 2nd movie for Christmas and I watched it in bed last night while I drifted off to sleep. Sounds cheesy and girly but it was completely what I needed after an exhausting weekend. OH! And Lisa and I now officially have a dinner table in our apt! Now the wonderful family of 4 can all eat breakfast together without Lila having to sit on the TV tray. YAY! :)
January 3, 2010: My sister attended church with us this morning. Even with the sourpuss look on her face when she realized that the entire service would be dedicated to Communion and discussing the church's vision for 2010, I am still glad she came. I know it meant a lot to my parents, especially my dad who was voted into the leadership council a few weeks ago! ALSO- I bought some new coldgear for training through the winter.... Nike DriFit+on sale= happy girl. Bad news is... I've got to take them back because they are the wrong size. Good news is... I am smaller than I thought I was and I'll be retuning them for a S instead of a M....
Its the little things in life. :)
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