Back to blogging!

Happy happy Sunday! In taking a break from the impending exam tomorrow morning (Pediatric Dysphagia), I decided to return to the blogosphere to ensure that I don't become a lazy, fickle blogger once more. To be quite honest, I am not sure all of my efforts in studying have been fruitful so far today. It seem's I've got lots bouncing around in this head of mine and while I would love to forget everything and focus all of my efforts on getting through this yucky test tomorrow- I just can't seem to quiet these darn worries. Allow me to explain:


My dad makes his 6, 7, or 8th (I lost count) return to Iraq today. Actually I guess he will return tomorrow. I realize that I am not the only person out there with a loved one overseas in a war zone and while I worry about his safety and well-being, what worries me most is my own personal reaction to his deployment. After seeing him off so many times in the last 6+ years, I am afraid that I am becoming numb to it all. I still worry about him leaving and cry when he gets on the plane- but the general feeling is one of complete and utter numbness... "There he goes again." I am hesitant of sharing his location with people that I don't know very well because their reactions remind me of the danger that still exists over there. I worry about him and I'm sad that he's there.

My dad is not much for talking about about his job... so I am not sure I have quite an accurate grasp of what he does over there. I wonder if maybe he talked more about his experience or his feelings towards being there, I would feel any different. Its along the same lines as the old adage, "Ignorance is bliss." What I don't know can't kill me. I wonder how I'd feel if I did know. Part of me wants to know, but another part of me is so glad I don't.


There are many times that I do breakdown and let the pain of worrying drag me down to depths that I don't often explore. Maybe I am just in survival mode the rest of the time. Its easier to not think about it than to let myself go so I just don't. That might explain why I rarely blink an eye when I do share my father's whereabouts with people I don't call my friends. If I don't appear to be worried- they won't react with worry- and my own fears won't be confirmed.

Maybe I am just over analyzing it all together.

So what's my positive spin on this wing-ding of an entry? I guess I will just say that this expression of my worries is a healthy step in the right direction of handling difficult situations like a mature adult. Maybe if I can come to terms with how I feel about things that I don't understand, I won't have moments of complete breakdown. If I can analyze the situation and my behavior, maybe I will find a healthy way dealing with it. And of course- there's always the fact that there are so many brave souls fighting for and representing freedom all over the world to be thankful for.




Not too shabby.