Anyone who knows me ought to know that I have a tendency to become easily obsessed/enthralled in whatever task or interest I am persuing at the moment. I have been that way about school, I became that way about running this time last year, and recently I have begun obsessing over 2 things: My job and my wedding. One of those things is taken care of. I am officially employed by the aforementioned company I wrote about in my previous blog. I am 100% pleased with my decision and I am confident that I will be happy at this job and will continue to learn and grow as a therapist. For a few weeks when I was applying/awaiting an interview all I could do was think about all of the details... how much money would I earn? Would I be able to survive on it? How much is typical? Is the mentorship that appears to exist in the clinic really as good as it seems? Do I really want to work in an office building in Springfield AND in the homes of dozens of toddlers in Fairfax Co.? My mind would wander to these nagging thoughts into the wee hours of the morning and when it finally became time to make a decision I had thought myself into an oblivion and just accepted figuring that it was the best thing to do.
That tends to be the way my mind works- unfortunately this process is neither systematic NOR logical. I like to think of myself as a relatively practical and reasonable person and on the outside I make a significant effort to present myself that way. It's not that I am faking it- I know what is practical and rational and I work really hard to always keep that in the forefront of my mind in an effort to keep from losing it completely. But regardless of how well I am able to convince myself or others (or how poorly)... I am inevitably panicking on the inside.
I am a planner and a details person. I try to cover every single angle and avenue to avoid at all costs the stress and risk of being surprised.
My most recent obsession has been my wedding. The first few weeks of the engagement were amazing (not to say that the recent weeks havent been as well). But at that time I was refusing to allow myself to plan- other than fantasizing about how completely amazing it would be and how many awesome different directions I could go when I did start planning. Then I discovered a venue online that I absolutely loved. My mom got in touch with said venue upon hearing how interested I was in it and a few days later we were marching the grounds of Rock Hill Plantation House and I found myself picturing every amazing moment of my wedding day in the glorious rolling hills of North Stafford. 2 Days later I learned that what were 2 available dates in Spring 2011 unexpectedly became ONE LAST AVAILABLE DATE in the matter of a 2 hour walk-in showing of the place.
At that moment I began to feel the pressure. The nagging, crazy planner inside of me started panicking. I loved the venue and the owners and felt strongly that if I didn't book the place in the next day or so someone else would and I would live every day until my wedding regreting not jumping on the opportunity. So dramatic.
So I booked it.
And then once the ball was rolling, it was full steam ahead. After cancelling all appointments to visit other venues I decided- what better way to fill that time than going dress shopping? Mind you, the date that we booked at Rock Hill is OVER A YEAR FROM NOW. But alas, I packed my mom and my sister in my ancient Rav4 and dress shopping we went... with much success I might add. We had so much fun. Meanwhile, I have been in contact with photographers and my mom's doing her thing with the DJs and I feel like I am being uberplanner these days even though literally have over a year until the big day.
So after a whirlwind week of booking ceremony and reception sites followed by a weekend of gabbing and dress shopping with my Mom and sister, I was up until 2 am last night tieing up lose ends for work this week (HOORAY LAST WEEK OF PRACTICUM!). Needless to say I was able to get everything done and today at work I even managed to get all of my notes and paperwork done before leaving... so here I sit, feeling like I've gone from 100 to stopped on a dime in the matter of seconds and I am realizing I have NOTHING to do, NOTHING to plan, NOTHING to worry about for the next 24 hours until tomorrow's notes have to get done.
...Ergo, I have henceforth decided to put a hold on truly planning and just go back to fantasizing for the next few weeks. In all honesty, I might meet with one of the photgraphers just because I have already been in touch with him and I might as well but otherwise... it will just be fun day dreaming for me. Wouldn't want to plan and plan and plan and then have to wait 10 months to actually get married now would we? In the meantime check out the venue:
http://www.rockhillplantation.com/media/galleries/rockhill/
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