Cured!

Those of you who have known me for a while probably know that I have struggled with persistant acne basically since puberty.  It was never very severe, mostly just affecting my chin and around my mouth, but for the life of me I was never able to get it under control.  It took a pretty rough toll on my self confidence, especially in the summer when caking concealer all over my chin kept me from diving head first in the swimming pool on the hottest of days.  Every exciting special occasion- prom, graduation, family reunions, friends' weddings- was accompanied by a tinge of dread and worry that I would endure some rediculous outbreak and be photographed looking very much like a pepperoni pizza. 

About 7 months ago, after years of retin-a, clearasil, tazorac, epiduo, benzaclin, differin, and oral antibiotics, I finally made the decision to see a dermatologist about starting isotretinoin... better known as the drug accutane.  It wasn't an easy decision.  My parents and Tory were significantly less confident in the outcomes than I was.  A drug that was originally developed as a type of chemotherapy for certain cancers certainly comes with a hefty stack of side-effects and warnings.  This drug is so effective essentially because it is toxic.  It treats cancer and acne alike by killing rapidly dividing cells that wreak havoc on a body in some sense or another.

I visited my dermatologist last November with a laundry list of treatments that I had already tried and found ineffective.  I was absolutely prepared to hear him say that my case of acne was no where near severe enough for the perscription that I wanted.  I knew this to be the case, but I was literally at my wit's end and wanted to put acne in my past for good. To my surprise, he read my list of treatments and without my even asking, suggested that isotretinoin was likely the best course of treatment for me. 

I quickly learned that when one decides to undergo a course of isotretinoin treatment, you must also commit to monthly counseling sessions to ensure your understanding and risk of the long list of possible side effects and to be absolutely sure that as a patient, you are commited to using not one, but two documented forms of birth control and understand the damage that the drug can do to a developing embryo or fetus, monthly blood and urine tests to determine that you are not pregnant and to ensure that your liver and kidneys are functioning adequately, and strict timelines that you must adhere to in order to even fill a perscription. 

And then came the side effects.  For the first 2 months, I was on a dose that turned about to be significantly higher than the one I actually needed.  My skin was DRY, my nose bled every morning when I woke up, my lips were cracked and chapped, my body ACHED.  Sitting on the floor every day for work was agony on my bones.  I had the worst case of chornic fatigue I could have ever imagined.  I literally fell asleep everytime my body was in a horizontal position for more than 10 minutes and could barely drag myself out of bed in the mornings. 

After these side effects failed to subside my doctor lowered by dose and the relief was instant- most significantly, my bones stopped aching so badly and my nose stopped bleeding.  For the next 4 months I continued to deal with the dry skin, chapped lips, and chronic fatigue, but it became a lot more manageable.  After about 3 months my acne was completely gone- save for the occasional hormonal outbreak once a month.  After 5 months, I had forgotten what it even felt like to have the bumps on my skin and squeeze a pimple into submission in front of my bathroom mirror. 

I am so excited to say that this week I took my LAST DOSE of isotretinoin!  My skin is still dry, my lips are still chapped, and I am still worn out, but above all of that, I still don't have acne!  What I see when I look in the mirror now is a face with no evidence of the ravages I once fretted over every day.  No scars,no scabs, no pits, and no marks.  It takes about a month for the drug to completely leave a body's system so time will tell if the results last (research has indicated that it permanently cures acne in about 80% of its patience).  For now I am able to use normal face wash and don't have to worry about bleaching all of my new sheets and towels with glops of topical medications.  I wash my face and I feel no bumps....anywhere. 

A few other changes I have noticed- my once oily skin is now a normal texture.  I can even use a moisturizer after I wash my face without worrying.  I no longer have to limit the skin and hair products I use to avoid panthenol (an ingredient I found to worsen my acne before isotretinoin)- everything has panthenol, so this has been huge for me!  A few downers: my drier skin does not seem to repel mosquitos as well as my oily skin did.  I have never ever had to wear bugspray- even as a kid- but now I find that bugs seem to enjoy feasting on my legs and ankles.  Also, I am not sure if these are related, but my once curly thick hair has lost it's pizzaz.  It's now more wavy than anything else and signficantly finer than it has ever been before.  At first I was devastated over the loss of my curls, but I am starting to embrace the ease of styling straighter hair and have since chopped off a good 3-4 inches for a super fun, summer-friendly bob!

To say that isotretinoin changed my life sounds a little bit dramatic, but anyone who has dealt with persistant acne knows how hard it is on your skin and self confidence.  This is the first summer since middle school that I have gone to the beach and pool sans make up and felt totally comfortable in my own skin.  My wedding pictures had no trace of any of the pink dots that used to put such a damper on special occasions. I can only hope that my skin remains smooth and clear permanently and that I never have to spend another day worrying about what my skin will look like in the morning!

Enjoying the beach, make-up free, in Jamaica! Cheers to clear skin!